Being a parent is hard work and I’m sure many of us have come across the list of jobs parents do. You know the list? The one where it says a parent is a cleaner, nurse, translator, taxi driver, party planner, personal shopper, negotiator, photographer, cook, travel agent, stylist, secretary, teacher, conflict resolution expert and more. On call, 24 hours a day, with no retirement and the only payment is cuddles and possibly big, smooshy kisses from a toddler with biscuit round their mouth.
Looking at it now, those jobs seem pretty obvious. I think I could have worked out parenthood would involve a lot of that stuff before I had any children. Though, looking at it now, I can also think of jobs I do which I’d never imagined being a parent entailed.
Anyone who’s ever had a baby has, at some point, learnt the art of sneaking out of a room backwards, in the dark whilst simultaneously dodging every toy and squeaky floorboard. With a bit more training, you also become adept at closing the door and sneaking down the stairs without a sound, even if it means jumping the last three steps as there’s simply no way to avoid the squeak.
Three words. Babies. Poo. Bath. Yeah, you’ve got it. If your baby is anything like I was, they (allegedly) also take great delight in doing this whilst sharing a bath with their sibling. You have been warned.
3. Infection Control Nurse
A step up from nursing grazed knees and colds. Children inevitably get tummy bugs and what’s worse than a vomiting child? Several vomiting children. As a parent armed with bleach, rubber gloves and large quantities of Dettol, you become an expert in infection control.
4. Costume Designer
Before having kids, I thought children might like dressing up from time to time. I didn’t think I’d be creating costumes for school plays and themed non-uniform days out of scrap card, tin foil and cotton wool. Sometimes, as I step back to admire my creation, I wonder if I really am supposed to be making a suit of armour for my child to wear to school or if the fumes of the PVA have gone to my head.
Well I knew kids like rough and tumble but I never imagined I’d be used as a personal climbing frame and elbowed in the head on such a regular basis.
Is there any jobs you do now you’re a parent which you’d never have imagined parenthood entailed?