Parenthood: All the Jobs You Could Imagine and All the Ones You Couldn’t.

Posted By KidGearUK on Monday, 15 February, 2016 | 12 comments



 

Being a parent is hard work and I’m sure many of us have come across the list of jobs parents do. You know the list? The one where it says a parent is a cleaner, nurse, translator, taxi driver, party planner, personal shopper, negotiator, photographer, cook, travel agent, stylist, secretary, teacher, conflict resolution expert and more. On call, 24 hours a day, with no retirement and the only payment is cuddles and possibly big, smooshy kisses from a toddler with biscuit round their mouth.

Parenthood: All the Jobs You Could Imagine and All the Ones You Couldn't

Looking at it now, those jobs seem pretty obvious. I think I could have worked out parenthood would involve a lot of that stuff before I had any children. Though, looking at it now, I can also think of jobs I do which I’d never imagined being a parent entailed.

 

1. Ninja

Anyone who’s ever had a baby has, at some point, learnt the art of sneaking out of a room backwards, in the dark whilst simultaneously dodging every toy and squeaky floorboard. With a bit more training, you also become adept at closing the door and sneaking down the stairs without a sound, even if it means jumping the last three steps as there’s simply no way to avoid the squeak.


2. Fisherman/woman

Three words. Babies. Poo. Bath. Yeah, you’ve got it. If your baby is anything like I was, they (allegedly) also take great delight in doing this whilst sharing a bath with their sibling. You have been warned.

 

3. Infection Control Nurse

A step up from nursing grazed knees and colds. Children inevitably get tummy bugs and what’s worse than a vomiting child? Several vomiting children. As a parent armed with bleach, rubber gloves and large quantities of Dettol, you become an expert in infection control.


4. Costume Designer

Before having kids, I thought children might like dressing up from time to time. I didn’t think I’d be creating costumes for school plays and themed non-uniform days out of scrap card, tin foil and cotton wool. Sometimes, as I step back to admire my creation, I wonder if I really am supposed to be making a suit of armour for my child to wear to school or if the fumes of the PVA have gone to my head.

5. Wrestler
Well I knew kids like rough and tumble but I never imagined I’d be used as a personal climbing frame and elbowed in the head on such a regular basis.

Is there any jobs you do now you’re a parent which you’d never have imagined parenthood entailed?

 

 

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12 Comments

  1. Brilliant! Can totally relate to the ninja one! My husband is much better at it than me though. I think I’d add ‘song writer’ because I seem to sing everything these days!

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    • KidGearUK

      Oh yes, song writer’s a good one. I’m forever singing along to something.

      Though my boys are now an the age where they’re embarrassed and tell me to stop!

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  2. Lovely post! I couldn’t imagine being a referee or court judge myself, having two kids who sometimes fight over anything, being a referee or a court judge can sometimes be a job I have to take, deciding who fought first or who’s done wrong first and who needs to be put in the naughty step. The fun times of parenthood, isn’t it? #bigpinklink

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    • KidGearUK

      Yes! I spend most of my day refereeing! And trying to decide which one’s fibbing when they’re pointing at each other, both saying “he started it”.

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    • KidGearUK

      Definitely. It starts with collecting them from after school clubs and, as they get older still, collecting them after they fall out of pubs!

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  3. Cleaner. However much they tidy their room, you need to,sneak in periodically and tidy some more!

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    • KidGearUK

      Definitely a cleaner. I’m often found picking up toys, usually after I’ve walked into my eldest’s bedroom and gone skidding on Hot Wheels cars.

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  4. Yes to wrestler! I never ever would have thought I’d need any moves from the WWE-until I tried to get my son into his pushchair and get his coat on ready to go out! #bigpinklink

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    • KidGearUK

      Oh yes, and when they don’t want to go out they go stiff as a ironing board!

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  5. Brilliant! I love this! I’m still surprised by my ‘unexpected’ jobs! I was a child, I remember being gross, so not really sure why ‘bogey scraper from the wall in chief,’ and prevention of the foraging of suspicious food objects from the pavements officer’ have taken me by surprise!! I really identify with ninja! I know my children’s creaky floorboards like an old friend, and have been known to ninja crawl/roll from their rooms on occasion!
    Great post, and thank you so much for linking up to the very first #bigpinklink!

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